Trust...

When I was little, I used to worry about everything....no, literally everything. I worried about people dying, my teacher being a literal witch, making bad grades. Every patch of tall grass I saw just had to have some sort of poisonous snake in it, and anyone knocking on the front door I didn't know was a potential drug dealer trying to inject poison into me. Yeah, I was a basket case.

Mom tried to help by giving me a book about worrying. The point of the book was that most of what we worry about we can do nothing about, so why worry? After reading the book, Mom asked me if I learned anything. My response was "yeah. I have a lot more to worry about than I thought." Well, she tried at least.

Thankfully, I got better with age. But now I find myself sitting in a similar position. Mandy's been job-hunting, and so far no success. Granted, we haven't heard back from everyone yet, but those we have heard from either said no or asked us to fill out a survey, whatever that means. Of course, if Mandy can't find a job as a nurse, I can always teach, but we all know what teachers get paid. Right now we're barely getting by on what I make now. How much tighter is it going to be in Texas?

Not to mention Mandy has been having headaches a lot, and she says her vision is strained, even with new contacts. Now, the stress of it all may be causing tension headaches, which could pull things tight enough to mess with her vision, and as soon as she gets a job it will all go away. But she has a headache with blurred vision. Remembering my uncle, what am I supposed to think about that?

On top of that, my grandmother is in the hospital with pneumonia, which will probably never get any better if she doesn't change her environment at home (she lives out in the woods where dust and pollen are a common part of life). But if you mention moving to her at all, she quite vehemently tells you no, and the discussion is over. Pushing it any further only upsets her, and that's the last thing she needs.

So now, instead of worrying about unseen snakes and mean looking teachers, I'm worrying about getting bills paid and loved ones being taken from me long before I'm ready to let them go. the issues are all grown up now. And, to be honest, I'm scared out of my wits. I have no idea how any of this is going to turn out. I try to be reassuring for Mandy, but half the time I feel like I'm trying to convince myself more than I am her.

But still, despite all this, I still believe this, because I don't know how to not believe it:

"So do not be overly concerned about what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not worry about such things. For all the nations in the world pursue these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, pursue His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well." --Luke 12:29-31

If I am going where God has called me, then He will take care of everything--jobs, headaches, and pneumonia. All that I have to do is trust. I won't lie; it's hard to do that. But it's all that is required of me.

Still, any prayer sent up on our behalf for any of these circumstances would be greatly appreciated.

Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. I'm always here.

Keep Soaring,

B