I've been reading James 1 for the past few days, meditating on it and trying to apply it to myself. The following keeps sticking in my head:
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God,who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.
There's a story of two farmers who both needed rain for their crops. One farmer prayed for rain and then turned and prepared his crops for a drought. The other prayed for rain and then turned and prepared his crops for rain. God sent rain to them both. The point of the story is that the second farmer was more faithful because he believed God. And the obvious rebuttle to that is the first farmer was being responsible and "a good steward" of what God had given him.
But after reading this in James, I have to wonder if the first farmer was being responsible, or just double-minded. Is he being shrewd as a serpeant, or is he just suffering from doubt? How many times do we ask God to provide for us, and then turn around and plan as though he won't act? How many times have we missed out on a great opportunity for testimony because we had to do things ourselves? Why do we even bother asking God if the second we leave His presence we act as though He won't come through for us?
I'm reminded of a scene close to the end The Grey. Liam Neeson's character is lying in the snow, calling out to God to come save him. And when God doesn't respond fast enough, he says, "@#%! it. I'll do it myself." If you've seen the movie, you know how well that turns out. Either way, He calls out to God for help, and then gets up from that spot and moves forward like there is no God to call on. His atheism makes that response expected, but the sad thing is that many times that's how I respond to. I pray and ask God for help, for provision, for wisdom and guidance. Then I turn around and start planning like its all on me, like I expect that God is not going to come through.
I act as though I doubt Him....
I don't want to be a double minded man. I don't want to be "responsible." I just want to be real. I want to have the kind of faith that when I cry out to God, I sit and wait for Him to answer.
13 I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
14 Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.
--Psalm 27:13-14
