In case you haven't heard yet, I am resigning as pastor of Union Baptist Church. The main reason is time--there simply isn't enough of it. Between trying to be an effective Algebra 1 teacher, a good pastor, and a present and active husband and father, I'm not really fully present anywhere. Instead of doing everything to the best of my ability, I'm really only giving a third of what I could be doing.
Now don't get me wrong--I have a sermon prepared every Sunday, students' grades are updated in a relatively timely manner, and Brayson and Mandy spend time with me every night. But while I sit at home, playing with Brayson, I'm thinking about all the people I should have visited before I came home and the sermon that, even though its Saturday night, still hasn't been finished. And while I'm at church preaching sermons and casting visions, I'm thinking about that pile of tests that still hasn't been graded and how the responsible thing to do would be to skip out on my Sunday afternoon nap and get them graded. And finally, when I get to school, I am flooded every class period with the results of a dad not being active in his child's life, and it makes me angry that I'm so distracted when I play with Brayson. On and on the cycle has gone until finally, through long talks with God, family, and friends, I've decided to make a change.
I have no idea what happens now. I know I'm finishing out the school year in Sulphur Springs. I know I'm moving back to Shreveport in the summer--when I feel lost, going home always seems to help. But beyond that, I have no idea. I don't know if I'll be back in vocational ministry. And if I am, I don't know that I'll be in Shreveport when it happens.
There is one thing I am certain of. Before God called me to be a pastor, before He called me to be a teacher--he called me to be a husband and a father. Churches come and go, and education standards change every few years. But I am always going to be Mandy's husband and Brayson's father. And if there is one job I am NOT going to do halfway, it's that.
I realize a lot of you won't understand this. It seems the assumption is that if I'm not employed at a church then I'm "falling out of the ministry." But a calling to ministry is something that goes beyond an occupation. I still am doing God's work. The specific work I am doing is just changing. To what, I don't know, but God will reveal that to me in His time.
In the meantime, I'm going to use this opportunity to grow. I'm going to study purely for the sake of edification and not because I have a lesson to prepare. I'm going to spend time on my knees asking God the hard questions that I was afraid to ask before. I'm going to dare to challenge my beliefs and hold them up against the Word of God. I'm going to walk into the furnace, let all the impurities burn out, and let God shape me into what He wants. Then, at the end of all this, perhaps I'll have a better understanding of exactly what kind of tool God wants me to be.
One thing I do want to make clear...in a world where pastors are constantly leaving because of scandals and splits, that is NOT the case here. I have nothing but love for the people of Union Baptist Church. They have been very kind to us these past two and a half years and have shown us a love that I haven't seen in a church anywhere else. They will always hold a very special place in my heart, and I will always look back on my time with them with fondness and love.
So, as the title suggests, I'm stepping down and stepping out. And, like Indiana Jones going for the Grail, even though I can't see the rock bridge under me, I have faith that God put it there.
Here.....we........GO!!!!!!
Keep Soaring (even if you have no idea where you're going),
B
