Conversations...

I don't believe that God speaks audibly to people anymore.  Not that I think He can't, I'm just very skeptical of people who say that He has.  And if I'm wrong, then I pray God will correct me.

So when I say this was a conversation between me and God that I had yesterday, I don't mean that it was a literal conversation.  But if I had to translate into words what I was feeling in my heart, this is how the conversation would have gone:

Me: "I didn't expect to find you here."

God: "I know."

Me: "To be honest, I really didn't want to.  I didn't want to see you today."

God: "I know.  I came anyway."

Me: "...I've really missed you..."

God: "I know.  Why have you been pushing me away?"

Me: "...I was scared.  I still am...." (To clarify, scared of what I'm not used to.  I explain later in the post.)

God: "Don't be.  Come back to me.  I'll take care of everything."

And then I wept...

When I was in high school, I felt God when I called out to him.  When I was in college, I felt God when I called out to him.  During my time in Seminary, I academically comprehended the existence and presence of God, but I stopped feeling him, and therefore I stopped calling out to him as often.  I just learned about Him.  

Four years later, I'm only now starting to recuperate from that.  

I'm not saying Seminary is bad.  What I am saying is that it is very dangerous to lose the relationship aspect of your walk with Christ.  When it becomes an academic pursuit, or a routine, or a social expectation, or a culturally accepted ritual, then we miss the whole point of why God sent his son in the first place.

Jesus was sent so that we would HAVE FELLOWSHIP with God (1 Corinthians 1:9).  Fellowship is not rote memory, repeated process, obligatory actions, or achieving specialized goals.  Fellowship is a relationship, and with God, it's one that when you experience Him, you walk away from the encounter different from how you were before.  

I've followed God since I was seven years old, but I haven't had FELLOWSHIP with God in four years.  Praise Jesus that He started to change that yesterday.  

And I hope He continues to do just that.

Motivations...

My last post was somewhat heavy, and a lot of people had opinions on what I had to say.  I feel like a little background to the post may be warranted.

My dad and I are going to the Kingdom Man Conference this weekend.  I'm really looking forward to it.  But not for the usual reasons.  Dr. Tony Evans, I'm sure, is a great speaker.  And Shane and Shane leading worship is a guarantee that it will be a night to remember.  But that's not what I'm most excited about.

The topic of the whole conference is Biblical manhood--how to be a man of God and how to measure our "manliness" according to His standards.  It's a topic that has been in the forefront of my mind for months now.

Why?  Because of Brayson.  As he grows older, it's going to be my responsibility to teach him what it means to be a man.  What he thinks a man is, how he views manhood, for good or bad, is going to be directly affected by how he sees me live my life.  And I want to give him his best chance.

I pray every night that one day Brayson will come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ.  And when that day comes, he's going to need community.  He's going to need to walk with others as he grows in his relationship with Christ.  "There is no such thing as a Lone Ranger Christian," my former pastor used to say.  He needs community to help him grow.

What I don't want for him is for his relationship with Christ to become a sanitized, habitual, obligatory duty to be performed once a week and then forgotten until the next Sunday.  I don't want him to measure his relationship with Christ based on a checklist that even the lost could keep up with.  I want him to desire a righteousness that "surpasses the Pharisees" (Matthew 5:20).  I want him to "throw off everything that hinders" him (Hebrews 12:1).  I want his relationship with Christ to be something so central that it permeates to every part of his life, from the clothes he wears to the classes he takes to the food he eats to the games he plays.  But, lately, it seems that those in a body of believers who truly desire a radical, life-altering relationship with Christ are overshadowed and ostracized by those who desire homeostasis, control, and prestige.  And the only response people have when that is brought to their attention is "yeah, well, no church is perfect."  No desire for change, no yearning to be better than what we are.  Just a simple, defeated attitude that this is as good as its ever going to get.  It scares me to think of sending my son out into that.  Because that's what happened to those two families I mentioned, and they are suffering for it.

I realize that no church is perfect, that there are always going to be problems no matter where I go.  But I can't just sit here and hope that Brayson can make the best out of what's out there.  I want to give him his best chance, and that means I can't just sit on the sidelines and accept things as they are.  In the words of Ross King, "smaller victories will never be all right with me, 'cause I've got my intentions set on bigger things than that."

We'll be moving to Shreveport soon, and once we get there, it's going to be a while before Mandy and I decide to be part of any church.  I'm less concerned about having my name on a roll than I am about being part of a community that is actually going to follow Christ, even if it means stepping away from comfort and control.  Because I want to give Brayson his best chance.  And that is more important to me than a lifetime of Sundays spent sitting in a pew.

Love me, hate me, burn me at the stake---that's where I am right now.

My broken heart and why its broken...

The whole point of this blog was to allow others to see the work that God is doing in my life.  To see my struggles, hear my questions, and watch me seek the answers.  My hopes were that as I struggled to understand my God and what His plan is for my life, it would somehow lead others to him.  If I were truly transparent about my relationship with Him, then maybe someone out there in cyber space could benefit from it.  That's why I called it "God's Forge."  As God forged and molded me and burned out the impurities, it would hopefully become a beacon for others to draw close to Him.

There's a lot I want to say right now, so many frustrations and hard questions I want to ask.  But these questions don't involve just me.  They connect with others that may not want that transparency.  So, in true Dragnet fashion, "The names have been changed to protect the innocent..." and in some cases the guilty, too.  I am deliberately making this as vague as possible.  If you think any of this is about you, that is probably just the Holy Spirit convicting you.

I know a family who used to be active in church.  Now they're not.  The mother has sworn off church altogether, because at every major crisis event in her life, when she has turned to the church for help, she has received none (and before you say anything, I was there when she went through most of those.  She isn't exaggerating.  She needed help and received none.)  The father is technically a member of a church, but he hasn't felt needed or wanted for such a long time that the community feeling he's used to is long gone.  Both of them attend a life group that they enjoy, but have flat out told me that they don't trust that group with their struggles.  They just go for the Bible study.  The oldest child was in vocational ministry, but has since left and has no plans of returning, not wanting to "play the game" anymore.  The middle child gave up on church a long time ago after being stabbed in the back by men and women the family respected, and a relationship with God is just now starting to recover from it.  The youngest child, now a college student, has felt more community and genuine concern in the Greek life on campus than the Christian organizations, college and career classes, or youth groups ever gave.  Fifteen years ago, every Sunday morning, all five of them would be in church in their pew ready to serve God however He asked them to.  Now, they serve God as best they can, but it will be a long time before they feel the need to be in a church again.  If ever.

I've met another family still active in the church.  The father's in vocational ministry, and he's good at it.  He's led scores of people to Christ in the past year alone, not to mention all those he's led over the course of his career.  Everywhere he goes, his ministry is blessed.  But he can never stay in one place for longer than a few years.  Every ministry position he has ever held, there has always been someone with power in the church that takes issue with him, and it always escalates to the point that he either is asked to leave or felt the need to leave himself.  And power is always the issue.  He's doing God's work, leading in the direction God wants him to go, and he meets resistance in every form every step of the way from people that have the audacity to call him "brother."  And all the drama is because things aren't going their way.  "That's not the camp I wanted.  That's not the program I wanted.  That's not the Sunday School material I wanted."  And the stress of it all is affecting him in ways that he never thought it would.

On and on the list goes.  And, yes, I know that "no church is perfect."  But we're not talking about a tiff here or there because someone lost their temper.  I see an epidemic of a consistent need for control.  The buildings on the hills with the shining steeples are no longer beacons of light for their communities   They're glorified country clubs with social ladders, political agendas, and a board of directors that care more about keeping "the company" in the black than they do about being effective in completing the Great Commission.  It's not about serving God anymore.  It's about serving our own ego, so at the end of the week we can look at our monuments we've built to our own sense of self-worth and feel good about our "Christian" label.  And it's happening all over.

What have we become?!?  What have we allowed the Bride of Christ to fall into?  At what point did the church become a business?  When did the traditions of a governing body of old men become more important than the Holy written Word of God?  When did appearance become more important than sincerity?

WHEN DID WE DECIDE WE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE GOD WE ARE SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW?!?

My heart breaks for what passes as a church these days.  I've done my best to reach out to these two families, and so many others like them.  But, honestly, there are some wounds that all the apologizing in the world simply won't heal.  I hope and pray that these families one day find the community that the Church is supposed to be.

We need to repent, church.  We need to repent.

"Consider how far you have fallen!  Repent and do the things you did at first.  If you do not repent, I will come to you and remove your lampstand from its place."  --Revelation 2:5

My Perspective on the next four years...

During this whole election process, I've had some very strong opinions about the fighting and bickering that's gone on between Democrats and Republicans.  I've constantly tried to remind everyone that regardless of who is president, Christ is King.  And I've deliberately kept my political opinions to myself, because I didn't want to contribute to the fighting going on.  I didn't think it represented Christ well, and I wanted no part of it.

Now the election is over, and there are several people unhappy with the outcome.  I have a very specific perspective on what needs to happen in the next four years, a perspective that I think (and prayerfully hope) will help others in their planning for the next several years.  Unfortunately, I cannot share that perspective without also sharing my political opinions.  So, before you read any further, I would like to point out that at no point in this election did I ever say anything derogatory towards either candidate.  At no point did I disrespect any member of any political party.  I showed no malice or hatred during the election, and even made every attempt to end the fighting and bickering where I could.  I respectfully ask that you show that same respect to me.  Please do not use my blog (or Facebook) as a forum for you to spew venom at those who have opposing views.  I welcome friendly debate and healthy discussions, but I will not tolerate belittling or degrading remarks.  If you cannot show that respect to me, you will be blocked from my Facebook and blog and your comments deleted.  Please, for the sake of peace, keep things cordial.

Now that we've got that out of the way...

I voted for Mitt Romney.  He wasn't my favorite choice, but given the alternative, I thought he was the best choice.  In my humble opinion, President Obama's record is not satisfactory, and more important than that, he is pushing legislation that will essentially force me to support things that I, because of my faith, do not support.  I do not think it is right for my tax dollars to help fund abortions if I believe abortions are morally wrong.  I do not think it is right for me to face hate crime charges if I speak openly about my views on homosexuality.  And I do not think it is right that a monument or spoken prayer that has stood for decades be removed because it offends people who go to these places and ceremonies of their own free choice. Say what you will about foreign policy, the economy, and the environment, but these are the issues that decided my vote.

So, obviously, I was disappointed in last night's results.  And I am very concerned about the future of this country and where we are heading.  But, in the end, I am an American citizen, and Barack Obama is my president.  Even if I don't agree with the man, I must respect his office.  Because he is president, I will pray for him everyday, that God will guide his decisions, and that he will be the leader that this country needs.  I believe that the power of prayer is stronger than any threat we can face.  I place this country in God's hands and trust that He will do whatever is necessary to glorify His name.

Now, about all those other things.  Since I believe that abortion is wrong, that it is the murder of innocent children, and since my tax dollars are going to support it and there is apparently nothing I can do about it, I am going to try and be the change I want to see.  Rather than waiting for Capitol Hill to pass legislation that I agree with, I am going to go out and find those single women, those pregnant teenagers, those women who honestly think that abortion is better than adoption or raising a child.  I'm going to find them, and I'm going to help them.  I'm going to help them find classes on how to care for their unborn children.  I'm going to find loving families who are willing to take the child she can't afford to have.  I'm going to talk with her about her fears and doubts and worries, and I am going to do everything I can to help calm those fears and ease those doubts and put to rest those worries. I am going to do everything I can to make sure these poor women who are scared and unsure feel like they have another choice they can make.

Since I believe that marriage should be defined between a man and a woman, I'm going to take the time to get to know the LGBT community.  I'm going to befriend them and get to know them as people.  I'm going to let them get to know me and know what my heart is and where I'm coming from.  I'm going to get to a place where my care for them has nothing to do with their sexual orientation, where my friendship with them is iron clad and not easily shaken.  They're going to get to know me, and they're going to realize I don't hate them, that I don't think they're sub-human or some new kind of evil.  They're going to realize that I love them just as much as I would love anyone else.  And once we're at that place, I'll be able to share my views, and they will listen.  They may not agree, but they will listen, because now the words are coming from a friend, and not an enemy with an agenda.

Since I believe that my faith in Christ is under attack because of the consistent removal of monuments and prayers from public places, I'm going to show everyone just what exactly my faith in Christ is all about.  I'm going to give myself away to helping the poor and needy, to showing the love of Christ to everyone I come in contact with.  I am going to truly love my neighbors as much as I love myself, and see that their needs are met just as much if not more than mine.  I am going to be such a loving, kind, gentle person that when people think of Jesus, they don't think of an oppressive religion that has been in power too long.  They're going to think of a loving Savior who came to Earth to save us from sin.  And then, Jesus won't be an offensive topic, because no one will be able to say that their lives are worsened by Him or His followers.

To put it simply, I'm going to stop waiting for Capitol Hill to force what I should have been encouraging all along.  There's no need for abortions if women feel supported and taken care of when they get pregnant.  There's no need for civil rights legislation if everyone is treated with kindness and respect from the start.  There's no need for legal battles about Jesus Christ's place in public if everyone sees Christianity as a positive influence.  There's no need for regulation on welfare if everyone is trying to meet everyone else's needs.  I fully realize that, by myself, I'm not going to change the tide.  But, for those few people I can actually come in contact with, the difference will be worth it.

So don't pack your bags and move to Canada.  Don't start stockpiling on ammunition and nonperishable foods.  Stop complaining that your favorite candidate isn't sitting in the White House now.  Join me.  Let's stop waiting for Capitol Hill to do our job.  Let's get out there and do what we should have been doing in the beginning: Love God with everything, and love people as much as we love ourselves.

And if your candidate is sitting in the White House, join me anyway.  Don't let the fact that legislation is going your way allow you to become complacent about the hurting and suffering around you.  Don't wait for Capitol Hill to fix the problems you see around you.  Become the solution yourself.  Because, trust me, no matter who is president, Capitol Hill will take too long.

That's how I'm going to handle these next four years.  And not a single bit of that has anything to do with who is President.  It has everything to do with what I am going to do.  I am going to take responsibility for what I have the power to change, and I am going to change it.

One more reminder: if you respond to this, keep it respectful and keep it cordial, or don't respond at all.

Keep Soaring,

B

Some thoughts before church...

As I sit here waiting for church to begin, running through my mind all that I have left to do and all that is going on around me, I find myself comforted by the presence of God....

My grandmother lies in a hospital bed, dying, and while the rest of my family is there at her side, I am here, caring for my pregnant wife and eagerly waiting for the arrival of our son.  I don't resent that I need to stay; I just wish I could be in two places at once.  But I know that this is where she would want me to be.

I always knew logically that God does not leave us in times of turmoil, but rather is there every step that we make.  But now....I can feel  it.  I am overcome with a peace that I cannot understand.  I understand what that means now.

The peace that I feel now is not something that comes from a routine.  I didn't do anything to earn this peace.  This peace isn't a result of my cultural upbringing or habits that I have or haven't developed.  I'm not at peace because I give a certain percentage of my income or because my attendance record is exemplary.  I am at peace because I BELONG TO CHRIST.  And every second I spend in His presence is a second spent closer to heaven.  My relationship with Him has brought me to this peace, because I go to Him with my burdens, and He comforts me.  Even if it isn't by giving me exactly what I want, He still comforts me.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Keep Soaring,

B