So when I say this was a conversation between me and God that I had yesterday, I don't mean that it was a literal conversation. But if I had to translate into words what I was feeling in my heart, this is how the conversation would have gone:
Me: "I didn't expect to find you here."
God: "I know."
Me: "To be honest, I really didn't want to. I didn't want to see you today."
God: "I know. I came anyway."
Me: "...I've really missed you..."
God: "I know. Why have you been pushing me away?"
Me: "...I was scared. I still am...." (To clarify, scared of what I'm not used to. I explain later in the post.)
God: "Don't be. Come back to me. I'll take care of everything."
And then I wept...
When I was in high school, I felt God when I called out to him. When I was in college, I felt God when I called out to him. During my time in Seminary, I academically comprehended the existence and presence of God, but I stopped feeling him, and therefore I stopped calling out to him as often. I just learned about Him.
Four years later, I'm only now starting to recuperate from that.
I'm not saying Seminary is bad. What I am saying is that it is very dangerous to lose the relationship aspect of your walk with Christ. When it becomes an academic pursuit, or a routine, or a social expectation, or a culturally accepted ritual, then we miss the whole point of why God sent his son in the first place.
Jesus was sent so that we would HAVE FELLOWSHIP with God (1 Corinthians 1:9). Fellowship is not rote memory, repeated process, obligatory actions, or achieving specialized goals. Fellowship is a relationship, and with God, it's one that when you experience Him, you walk away from the encounter different from how you were before.
I've followed God since I was seven years old, but I haven't had FELLOWSHIP with God in four years. Praise Jesus that He started to change that yesterday.
And I hope He continues to do just that.
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