This is for you...

I think I know who this is for, but I could be wrong. Please understand, I'm not one of those people that sits in trance and suddenly gets some sort of mystic word from God. Truth be told, I think a great deal of that is hogwash--not all of it, but a great deal of it. But the truth is this is burning in me, and it would be wrong for me to not say it. So, good or bad, here it goes. And if you feel like this is speaking to you, it probably is...

I know you're mad. I was for a long time too. Things just don't make sense anymore, it seems like. People who should be happy are sad, laughs we should be sharing are gone, and people we would give anything to see again are gone forever. Things just aren't turning out the way we've been promised our whole lives. "Follow God and everything will be happy." Bull. We followed God with everything we are, and bad things still happened to us.

And it's always so much easier to be mad than hurt. It's easier to act like He doesn't exist than it is to kneel and cry out to Him and ask why. Suddenly we start to think things like, "What has He done for me? What good has he done in return for my devotion to Him?" And the whole "He lets you live" answer isn't good enough. With the pain that we've felt, it would almost be better to die. And He won't even give us that.

But the truth is, He didn't do this. We did. Adam and Eve did. Satan did. He didn't create death. He didn't create disease and decay. We did that when we skipped out on the best thing we could ever have: Him. And now, He wants more than anything to offer Himself to us again. As desperately as we want comfort and an end to this pain that we're trying to hide from, He wants to be that for us. How many times has He stretched out His hand just to watch us turn and walk away?

So one day I finally gave in. I looked right at Him and said that if He wanted me that badly, He could have me. I was tired of running, tired of trying to be stronger than something I can't even control. And then life happened. Life, that thing that I had forgotten all about. The pain never went away, but it got easier to deal with. I still cry sometimes, but I spend more time smiling--I mean really smiling, not pretending to smile for everybody else. And this world is still completely screwed up, but He's helping me get through it.

All that He did for me, He wants to do for you, too. He wants to answer your questions. He wants to ease the pain. He wants to be to you what you always thought He was: a good God. But He's not going to force Himself on you. If you want Him to do something in your life, you have to be willing to let Him. And that means you have to go back to Him. You have to trust Him.

Please understand, you don't have to change for Him. You don't have to be perfect. You don't even have to be good. He will take you as you are, with all the screw-ups you think you have. Flaws, faults, black fleece, bad habits--none of that matters right now. It's not your job to clean up for Him. It's His job to clean you up...and that includes the parts of you that are hurt and wounded. But He can't do any of that until you make Him what He is supposed to be: Lord of your life.

I know this sounds preachy, but it's who I am. I can't help it. And my words are true, I promise. I wouldn't lie to you--I hope you know that. If I really didn't think He was worth it, I wouldn't push you to Him. But I love you too much to let you live your life without knowing what it's like to be held by Him. He loves you, and I just needed to remind you of that.

Feel free to comment or ask questions. I'm always here.

Keep Soaring,

B