My most sincere apologies for my absence here. I could say it was because of the move, school, or just issues at home in general, but the truth is somewhere along the way I lost my zeal for what I was doing.
I wish I could say that my zeal is back, and that my heart strings reverberate with the same passion that led to the creation of this blog, but the truth is, I'm here now out of a sense of obligation and little bit of guilt. My life is peppered with unfinished projects that I have yet to finish. Novels are left half-written, graphic novels and comic books only sketched, and a head full of sermon series ideas without the least bit of notes to show for it. And here, now, with only two weeks of the semester left, rather than wanting to finish strong, I really just want to crawl in bed and go to sleep. My mind and heart just aren't in anything right now. The highlight of today has been running to Wendy's for some chicken nuggets and losing myself to a Denzel Washington crime movie. Greek quizzes are left unstudied for, the house still hasn't been cleaned from the holidays, and I lack the motivation to do anything about any of it.
But, if nothing else, I have this blog. And on the off chance that someone actually benefits from it, I find my fingers reaching for the keyboard again. Believe me, nothing would thrill me more than to just call it quits on all of it. Drop out of Seminary, get some mindless job at a factory or warehouse that pays enough to get the bills paid, forget about all my aspirations to be a writer and a graphic novelist, and let my life's ambition be to have a retirement that lets me sleep late and watch movies all day. But, something deep within me screams that that life is wrong, that that life is not what I was designed for. And despite my weariness of the way life in Fort Worth has turned out, despite the fact that all I want to do is throw away everything...I just can't .
So, even though I find myself quite comfortable in the muck and dust of the place that I've fallen into, I force myself to get up and start walking again. Not because of some noble desire to press on. Not because I'm supremely dedicated to the achievement of some grand purpose. No, none of that. I start walking again simply because I don't know how to do anything else. It's just the way God designed me. And for better or worse, it's who I am.
On a more positive note, we had a ton of family and a couple of friends come visit for the holidays. It was a much needed break from the monotony of life. I daresay the only reason I'm posting now is because I drew some joy out of seeing my parents and sisters and in-laws all under one roof, smiling. God knew what he was doing when He created holidays.
I promise to be more consistent with this blog as I was in the past. I can't promise daily updates, but I can promise that you'll hear from me again before the turn of the new year. In the meantime, pray that Mandy and I find some sense of stability here. Between her exhaustion from work, my frustration with school, and the lack of energy both of us are experiencing, this place isn't turning out to be quite the safe haven that we expected it to be. But despite that, it is where we are called to be. We just need a little help making it here.
Not much to comment on on this post, but if by some chance you have comments or questions, feel free to voice them. Now even more so than before, I'm always here.
Keep Soaring,
B
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