Afraid to look up....

This is one of those times for me where God feels so close, if I were to look up I might catch Him watching me. This hymn seems to pretty much sum up what's happening in my head....and my heart:

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Keep Soaring,

B

Trust...

When I was little, I used to worry about everything....no, literally everything. I worried about people dying, my teacher being a literal witch, making bad grades. Every patch of tall grass I saw just had to have some sort of poisonous snake in it, and anyone knocking on the front door I didn't know was a potential drug dealer trying to inject poison into me. Yeah, I was a basket case.

Mom tried to help by giving me a book about worrying. The point of the book was that most of what we worry about we can do nothing about, so why worry? After reading the book, Mom asked me if I learned anything. My response was "yeah. I have a lot more to worry about than I thought." Well, she tried at least.

Thankfully, I got better with age. But now I find myself sitting in a similar position. Mandy's been job-hunting, and so far no success. Granted, we haven't heard back from everyone yet, but those we have heard from either said no or asked us to fill out a survey, whatever that means. Of course, if Mandy can't find a job as a nurse, I can always teach, but we all know what teachers get paid. Right now we're barely getting by on what I make now. How much tighter is it going to be in Texas?

Not to mention Mandy has been having headaches a lot, and she says her vision is strained, even with new contacts. Now, the stress of it all may be causing tension headaches, which could pull things tight enough to mess with her vision, and as soon as she gets a job it will all go away. But she has a headache with blurred vision. Remembering my uncle, what am I supposed to think about that?

On top of that, my grandmother is in the hospital with pneumonia, which will probably never get any better if she doesn't change her environment at home (she lives out in the woods where dust and pollen are a common part of life). But if you mention moving to her at all, she quite vehemently tells you no, and the discussion is over. Pushing it any further only upsets her, and that's the last thing she needs.

So now, instead of worrying about unseen snakes and mean looking teachers, I'm worrying about getting bills paid and loved ones being taken from me long before I'm ready to let them go. the issues are all grown up now. And, to be honest, I'm scared out of my wits. I have no idea how any of this is going to turn out. I try to be reassuring for Mandy, but half the time I feel like I'm trying to convince myself more than I am her.

But still, despite all this, I still believe this, because I don't know how to not believe it:

"So do not be overly concerned about what you will eat and what you will drink, and do not worry about such things. For all the nations in the world pursue these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, pursue His kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well." --Luke 12:29-31

If I am going where God has called me, then He will take care of everything--jobs, headaches, and pneumonia. All that I have to do is trust. I won't lie; it's hard to do that. But it's all that is required of me.

Still, any prayer sent up on our behalf for any of these circumstances would be greatly appreciated.

Feel free to leave comments or ask questions. I'm always here.

Keep Soaring,

B

The Silence of God....

I came across this song while looking through some old CDs. Something tells me this song applies to more people than who care to admit that it does. If you care to download it, it's performed by Andrew Peterson.

"The Silence of God"

It's enough to drive a man crazy.
It'll break a man's faith.
It's enough to make him wonder
If he's ever been saved.
When he's bleating for comfort
From thy staff and thy rod
And the Heaven's only answer
Is the silence of God.

And it'll shake a man's timbers
When he loses his heart,
When he has to remember
What broke him apart.
And this yoke may be easy,
But this burden is not.
When the crying fields are frozen
By the silence of God.

And if a man has got to listen
To the voices of the mob
Who are reeling in the throws
Of all the happiness they've got.
When they tell you all their troubles
Have been nailed up to that cross,
What about the time when even
Followers get lost.
Because we all get lost sometimes.

There's a statue of Jesus
On a monastery knoll
In the hills of Kentucky
All quiet and cold.
He's kneeling in the garden
Silent as a stone
And all his friends are sleeping.
He is weeping all alone.

And the Man of all Sorrows,
He never forgot
What sorrow is carried
By the hearts that He bought.
So when the questions dissolve
Into the silence of God,
The aching may remain,
But the breaking does not.

The aching may remain
But the breaking does not
In the holy, lonesome echo
Of the Silence of God.

Feel free to comment or ask questions. I'm always here.

Keep Soaring,

B